9 months.

Most days, I do okay. I think about Staalsy every single day because he was just...if you knew him you'd understand. Most days, I don't cry because I know how much he hated it. Most days life is pretty normal. Most days are okay. Today though...today isn't.

I looked over in a corner of my room about 10 minutes ago and swear I saw him. I called for him to come and get some snuggles before I remember he was gone. Cue to me having a breakdown.

I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or stress or what, but I miss my orange asshole cat more than anything right now. I just want to lay in my bed and put my face into his orange fur while he purrs with 'acceptance' because heavens knows he never fully enjoyed anything.

He sits on a bookshelf in my room in a little wooden box. A heart with his paw print, his collar and his favorite toy sit on top of it. He sits in front of the laptop that he fried that I turned into a memorial.

I often lay in bed and cannot fall asleep. I often swear I feel someone jump up onto my bed and curl up beside my head. Maybe I'm crazy but I swear it's my Staalsman. He always slept by my head. He would usually beat me with his tail until I acknowledged him. He was such an asshole.

I always think that I could've done something more for him. I always think there is some way I could've saved him. My friends and family assure me that I did all I could but it doesn't seem like it was enough. If I'd been a better person, I would've found a way to save him.

There are days were it is easier. There are days where I struggle. Then there are days like today where I just hate myself for failing him.

I don't know where to begin.

Today will have been a month since Staalsy passed away.

When I got home on the 28th, two of my friends tried to beat me to the house so that I wouldn't be alone. Try as they might, I ended up getting here first. I walked in the door, put down the other cat I'd brought with me and burst into tears. He didn't come down the stairs and I had so badly thought that he would. I expected him to be in PA, waiting for me to get back from VA. He wasn't though.

About 3 minutes later, my roommate came home. We cried. We just kept saying we couldn't believe it. We couldn't fathom that this amazing little cat was actually gone. Assholes are supposed to live forever so why did Staalsy have to go so soon?

When two of our other friends arrived, we had a little memorial for Staalsy. I brought back the laptop that he killed at the end of March with me and made it into a memorial for him. We talked about things he did. We talked about how much he hated various things. We toasted to him with CranApple juice-which is what he spilled on the laptop causing it to fry.

It has taken me a month to sit here and be able to type this.

I had fallen behind on updating once I moved and I apologize for that. I'd opened blogger and started entries, fully meaning to write. I'd always end up sidetracked by something or someone (someone orange and usually cranky).

I owned Staalsy for 355 days. Let me correct that-Staalsy owned me for 355 days. In that time I learned so much from such a little cat. I didn't think I could ever care so much for another cat the way I cared for him. I'm not saying that I don't love my other cats, because I do. Staalsy was just this...special little guy.

I will never know exactly what caused him to get so sick or if there is anything else I could've ever done for him. I took him to three different vets, tried taking him to a fourth as well but I won't go down that road. I won't waste as much time dwelling on it because it won't bring him back, no matter how much I'd like.

I do know this-for 355 days, I had the most loyal, loving and biggest jerk of a cat. I will forever miss him and I know he will never fully leave me. He comes to me in my dreams and I swear he wakes me up in the same way he always did-smacking my side until I said 'Quit it, Asshole'.

For now, Staalsy is in Virginia until my parents can bring him home to me. He hated to be away from me when he was alive and I could never make him be away from me even in passing.

Rest in peace my sweet prince. We miss you.

the saddest entry I will ever post:

Today, December 26th, at 12:44am-Staalsy passed away.
Words cannot describe the amount of sorrow I feel right now. I can't put into words how gut wrenching it was to see him slip away from me.
I am going to miss him more than anyone could ever possibly know.

This update is way past due.

Some things have happened since I last updated:
1. Staalsy and Tipper get along pretty well now. They play with each other's tail and chase each other for the sake of amusement. Staalsy shares his food with Tipper. Staalsy has also learned to share the bed and me.
2. The fact that Staalsy and Tipper get along is really awesome because the three of us are moving.

That's right. I'm moving. Staalsy, Tipper and I are going to be moving to the City of Champions in June. I'm excited.

I guess there isn't a whole lot to report on. I feel like there was but Stanley Cup Playoffs made my brain go "WOOOSH" just like that.

The most amazing things you will ever see:

Staalsy doesn't usually curl up beside me when I lay down on my bed to just veg...but he did tonight! Woke up and walked over then plopped down right beside me. I may or may not have squealed.

You know what makes it more amazing? THIS:

That is Tipper. I was laying between them but got up to take a picture. They're still sleeping on the same small blanket. My baby boy is getting along with Staalsy!

There will be no updates from March 6th until March 21stish-I'll be going to Pittsburgh for a week and then some friends are coming to visit as well as the start of craft show season. I'll try to squeak a random update in if I can but if you do not hear much on the Staalsy front that's why.

We're still alive-I promise

Hi-Sorry for the lack of updates. The Olympics came along and ate all of my time. I started volunteering at Big Brothers and Big Sisters as well as got a job. To make up for it, have some insane Staalsy:

Staalsy and the terrible mean Taylor.

First things first: Simba ended up not going to the vet. We switched her food so she's eating now and she is walking around like a boss. I'm pretty sure the amount of snow/cold is getting to her old bones. We'll see how she is in the Spring.

Onto Staalsy business! We had more snow/ice on Wednesday and Staalsy ran out of my room because he's become really comfortable with the rest of the house. The others were out in the living room sleeping in front of the fire. Staalsy walked up to Taylor to sniff him, no malice or anger on Staalsy's behalf. Taylor, however, decided he'd about had it and 'attacked' Staalsy. Staalsy attempted to run and hide behind me. I scooped Staalsy up and brought him back into my room. He never hissed or growled or took his claws out. He was completely dolice to Naughty McNaughtypants (Taylor's nickname following the situation) and I'm proud of him.

He likes to be in the living room with all of us now. He'll play with the laser pointer or toy mice or whatever else you toss at him. He is just so happy and adorable.

Here are some Staalsy photos from the past few days as a "I'm sorry I failed at updating for awhile there" peace offering.

Staalsy loves Sidney Crosby. He's legit like that.

Staalsy's new favorite place.

I've been thinking about it for awhile and I'm pretty sure that I'll end up doing it but I'm going to make Staalsy charms and sell them on my Etsy/at Shows. Half of the money of sales of said charm would go to the SPCA. It's something I've thought about from day one. Aside from that, I've made a picture of Staalsy in cartoon form. I'll leave you with the image for now. Until next time.